Last week Chief Financial Officer Bob Smith learned to use Twitter for the first time and violated the terms of his contract by publicly commenting on the hiring crisis at Public School Zero. 

While it is public knowledge that schools nationwide are facing staffing shortages, PSZ has not only lost 23% of its staff, but has been unable to attract any new applicants. 

In his Inaugural Twitter Rant, Bob Smith claimed that over-generous unemployment benefits were to blame for the lack of interest in jobs at PSZ.

The outgoing Head of the Hiring Committee, however, revealed that the main reason for the staffing crisis is Bob. Reasons given in private by the departing Hiring Head were:

Bob was instrumental in freezing salaries which meant PSZ lost personnel to nearby PS#2 which has better compensation.

Bob is demeaning to teachers and called them “babies”, and “whiners” in a spluttering incoherent temper tantrum caught on camera by a local TV news crew.

Bob tore down Black Lives Matter Flags and Pride Flags students had hung in their classrooms and used them as rags to clean the window of his Buick LeSabre.

Bob is a known ass kisser as far as the School Board goes and a known ass pincher as far as the clerical staff goes.

Bob smells. He never washes his maroon acrylic sweater and does not believe in deodorant.  

Although Bob froze retirement benefits for everyone with less tenure than himself and redistributed benefit funds to his over-80 age cohort, he has no intention of retiring.

In his second Twitter Rant, Bob made it clear he would not allow the Latino woman in line for his job to “replace” him and he thinks Latinos should be “grateful” for the opportunity to work for minimum wage. The former Hiring Head notes that Bob may soon have the privilege of cleaning toilets at PSZ when the school is reduced to a skeleton staff this summer.

 

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