Inspired by the success of the gamification of domestic chores in games like Mario Shopping Kart, The Sims, Harvest Moon, Farmville, and InnerSloth, this new game pack makes the “Invisible Labor” of holiday households fun for the whole family.
I Hate You
In this logic game, arrange holiday travel in a fair, affordable and fun format for a divorced couple who have 5 grown children, each married into a family of divorce, and a total of 11 grandchildren. One grandchild is banned from air travel due to an “incident.” Two grandchildren projectile vomit if travelling by car. One rich offspring wants to pay for everything so as to set the date most convenient for his family. Another offspring refuses to accept charity and is tired of doing all the dishes. Two fathers-in-law hate each other and have come to blows. As difficulty increases, more flights are canceled and a rogue “reply all” email threatens family unity. For extra points: beat the Food Allergy Chart. Remember, the most important part is it has to be fun (while avoiding Toxic Positivity).
Grinch
In this strategy game, pay bills so no checks bounce and ensure that on Christmas Eve the heat remains on. Minimize late payment fines and interest charges while protecting your credit rating to acquire the maximum number of points in the game. Assemble dinner from half a Twix bar and an onion after taking a Christmas shift that does not qualify for overtime. Select the family member who will suffer least from incarceration should it be necessary to deal drugs or resort to prostitution. Practice #gratitude. Points lost for short temper or depression.
Co-Pay
In this unpleasantly realistic Urgent Visit Waiting Room simulation, enjoy the smellorama of leaky adult diapers, staffroom microwave tuna melts, and the sweet and sour scent of fear. This uncanny valley game allows you to win points against your actual medical bills and/or accrue extra, unexpected facilities fees and out-of-network penalties IRL. Intentionally boring and designed to never end, this game also features pastel wall art from the 1980s with collage elements, scratchy acrylic seat covers with damp spots, a beeping sound at the precise pitch of death, and an elderly patient quietly bleeding out in the corner. You will provide group therapy for another family in the waiting room with a drunken grandma, sobbing uncle, angry child, pet hamster in a duffel, and no health insurance. You may battle Covid variants, drug-resistant bacteria, and lice from the strange child who has fallen asleep on your lap. Leave with a prescription for 50 Poxycodone pills, enough to addict you and your new foster son. Thanks to the influence of the Sicker family and Revenue Pharma, the Poxy is covered in full. The medicine you need for your condition, however, is not. Return to the ER next week.
Although you were annoyed at the nurse who lost your paperwork and forgot to call you when your turn came up, and you suspect she may have infected you when she coughed on your hand and licked the instrument she used on you, you nonetheless feel a profound sense of sympathy for her in her uneven cardigan with the little enamel pins representing her pets and hobbies which you now are expert in. The largest pin is her cat Stripes who was rescued from a prison dumpster, and the smallest pin represents her nephew, Tim, who died as an infant and inspired her to become a nurse. Later send her and the rest of the staff a Pumpkin Spice Gift Basket. Happy holidays.
Also Read: Department of Podcasting
Listen to our podcast, Friday Office Poetry, on Pocket Cast, Spotify, Google Podcasts and Anchor.