Virtue Signalling Internship Opportunities
Summer internships for students at Burning Badger Waldorf School are a brand-new right of passage pushed by worldly members of the Parent Advisory Board. Some parents felt that Burning Badger students were leaving school without the resume padding, and family networking experience necessary to compete with students from mainstream private schools. The summer internship program is a boon to pushy parents, unemployable kids, and unprofitable eco startups in need of semi-sullen underpaid employees.
Much like the Senior Project, the Summer Internship is an excellent opportunity for community virtue signaling and economic self-dealing, as well as a way to leverage wealth and social capital to perpetuate social hierarchies. Your class presentation on the organic worm farm makes everyone feel warm and wiggly. Your parent-subsidized labor helps keep the worm farm profitable for your parents’ nice friends from Harvard. Your letter of recommendation from the wormers helps you get into college. You can feel good about fighting Big Ag corporate capitalism as you help save the planet for private school kids.
Students already know these basic facts of life in Alt Capitalism. But there is still a lot to learn during your summer internship from how to massage kale for the softest salad, to using Lamb’s Ear leaves to line your Birkenstocks on a hot day.
This Week’s Spotlight Post is from rising 11th grader Carob Cabot.
What I Learned on My Summer Internship at Dingleberry Farm
I thought dingleberries would be delicious and hoped to make smoothies from them in the Vegitizer I got for Advent.
It turns out dingleberries are dried pieces of poop hanging from the hairs of a goat’s butt.
Are there dingleberries in your goat’s milk gelato? Hell yes!
Is your $9 Goatie Goat Gelato really made of 100% goat’s milk? Hell no!
It is basically impossible to get enough goat’s milk to make anything. Goats are cute when they are babies and look great in farm selfies, but when they grow up they have horrible dental issues and worms. I spent my entire internship worming the goats, and no it’s not the kind of worms I worked with last summer at the worm farm.
It was also my job to let the trucks in the back where the plain old industrial cow’s milk was delivered to cut with the tiny amount of dingleberry milk from the infected goats.
The owners of Dingleberry Farm seemed pretty checked out to me. They spent most of their time growing their extremely large “legally allowed” “personal” weed patch and googling federal farm subsidies to bail out their operation.
Overall, adults seem pretty morally compromised. I learned Alt Capitalism is not all it is cracked up to be. But I would recommend stopping by the farm on the first of each month when the percentage of goat’s milk in the gelato is at its highest and they are still using real chocolate. As the bills start piling up, the quality goes down.
Tip: Dingleberry Farm sells its Off The Grid Ganja by private arrangement just text AltCap.
Also Read: Foraging Field Trip A Success