The incoming Development Director at Fred’s University has launched a new fundraising campaign and simplified the levels of giving after recent complaints that the old system was confusing and had too many categories. 

In the new scheme, the top level of donors are in the Winner’s Circle and will receive automatic admission for their children, grandchildren, and friends’ children. The second level of donors will be the Loser’s Circle and will be expected to give almost as much, but receive only one free child admit. 

Recent development trends show colleges need to reach out to recent grads even though they may have less money to give because of their crippling student debt. Calls to recruit donations from these less well-off alums have resulted in a new Organ Donation Program. 

Separate from Fred’s Medical School Research Division’s call for alums to donate organs to science, this program asks for organs as the equivalent of cash donations. Fred’s University will re-sell these organs for profit and/or pass them on to donors in the Winner’s Circle as needed. Due to federal regulations, organ donations are not tax-deductible. 

As a promotional premium to thank donors for giving organs, all alums who participate in the program will receive a Fred’s University logo leakproof insulated cooler perfect for tailgating.

 

Also Read “Holy Corporate Corruption, Batman!”

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