Coach George Grunch took the male members of the Richard E Rich Academy debate team on a bonding dinner at Hooters last week and gave an off-the-record tutorial on how to keep “girls” off the debate team.
He later explained that it was “tongue in cheek,” an “ancient history lesson,” and not intended to be taken seriously. “What I was saying was actually kind of feminist. It’s showing men how women are kept down.”
The underlying problem, Coach Grunch insisted, is that boys are suffering a lot of anxiety about girls “taking over everything.”
His comments were recorded and posted by a student who identified themselves as TransSpyR.
The first step in getting rid of girls according to Coach Grunch is to refer to the male team members as men and the female team members as girls.
You might think that it is bad to refer to high school students as adults and sets up some dangerous expectations, he told the debaters. Or you might think it’s infantilizing to refer to high schoolers as boys or girls. Richard E Rich Academy does not have a single policy about what to call students.
But the one thing that really gets girls steamed Coach explained is when you refer to girls one way and men the other. As for “they/them”? Nope. If you give girls the idea that their gender is optional it undermines the power of men. Keep the power line clear.
Next, Coach Grunch suggested, you can get rid of a lot of the girls on the team if you generate fear about off-campus events.
Finally, advocating for girls can help you get into their pants and it also helps get them off the team.
He came up with some “benevolent” ideas of things you can say to girls before a tournament, and the debaters added to the list in a free-ranging conversation that ran into dessert:
“Are you worried about getting Roofied at the tournament banquet? I can help protect you.”
“Do you know we have co-ed hotel rooms? You are on the roster to be the only girl in a room with three men. Maybe I can get Coach to switch so you are in my room.”
“No girl has won the Speaker Award in 36 years. Debate is so sexist!”
“I think it’s great that we have a co-ed team. It’s ridiculous that we’ve never had a female captain. I’d vote for you.”
“You are the hottest girl on the team. We are totally going to win.”
“There should be a special team for girls so they can have a chance to shine.”
“The girls on the other team are dogs. Why are they dressed like men in blazers and ties? Total turn off.”
“If the girls keep dressing like hoes we are going to lose.”
“Debate is a special space for guys who don’t fit in with jocks. We really need this as our thing. We have a special culture and tradition and girls are ruining it.”
“Could you keep the notes? Girls are so much more organized than men. Girl power!”
“The guys are going to sneak out and go to a strip club the last night of the tournament. It’s a tradition. Want to come?”
“We can’t have any fun when the girls are around. Buzz kill.”
“I hope you are bringing some of those fabulous brownies of yours. Do they have anything in them?”
“Are you dieting for the tournament?”
“The girls on the team only want to date athletes. They treat us like dirt and then cry discrimination. Basically, they are total b-ches to us.”
“You know the reason you were given that round right? They had to show girls can win.”
“Men are more naturally aggressive. It’s just biology science. That’s why we always win.”
“It doesn’t matter that you are the better student. Hillary Clinton was a straight-A student and see how Trump beat her at the debate.”
“Girls naturally like things neater. That’s why they cleaned up after the hotel room rager.”
“Watch out for the captain on the Burning Badger Team. He is totally a rapist. Just saying. He’s judging the second round.”
“We did a Mark Zuckerberg and ranked all the girls on the Burning Badger team in order of hotness. But we can’t tell you the order, we swore to secrecy.”
“The reason there are so many more men on the team than women is that it’s really a pre-law activity.”
“Your outfit was distracting. That’s why I lost last time.”
“Don’t forget to dress for the after-party.”
After Coach Betsy complained about Coach Gruch’s comments, he called a meeting of the men on the team and told them he was disappointed that someone broke the debate bro code and went public with his private team chat.
Grunch posted on his Twitter account:
Hey, Betsy! The reason there were only males on the excursion was that the girls on the team were with you at the screening of that movie about sexism in high school debate teams. Any girls who want to come to Hooters with us next time are welcome! 🙂 🙂
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