Verify*
Confirm your
Phone number
Is in use by
Calling yourself
Have yourself
On mute
Listen to your
Own machine
Do you exist?
–Anonymous Admin
*Update On Fred’s University Data Breach For those members of the Fred’s University community who were unable to verify their new school email accounts because two-step verification codes were sent to university office landlines that cannot receive texts, and find they cannot add cell phone numbers without verification via text, be assured that instructions for breaking the verification loop have been emailed to your locked accounts. Because of security concerns created by this verification loop, which was exploited by hackers offering bogus IT advice, until you can verify your email account we are suspending all voicemail on university landlines. Once your account is reinstated using the proper protocol for authenticating your identity, you should be able to test your landline from the office of Pammy, the Systems Administrator who has the only working landline because she never opted into the new security system. Pammy is on vacation until later next month but can be reached via email, though she does not appreciate needy co-workers violating her private time with their redundant questions and annoying memes. Her Dollar Store burner phone is off, so please don’t keep trying that number. Know that Fred’s University takes your privacy seriously and did not intentionally sell your data to Russian data farms: the University meant to sell your data to a very respectable US data farm as per the “Strategic Plan To Save Fred’s U.” Rest assured, Fred’s University can be trusted to have destroyed your most important data whenever you really need it.
Also Read:Phantom Bureaucracy
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