After a scandal at the University of California Santa Barbara when tyrannical billionaire Charlie Munger bankrolled a creepy dorm that he insisted have no windows, Fred’s University has been trying to keep its plans for a futuristic new dorm under wraps to avoid a similar public outcry. But media attention to the proposed Poxycodone Park at the edge of campus (named after Revenue Pharma drug Poxycodone) has brought to light a new housing scheme for Fred’s University graduate students.
The proposed dorm is the brainchild and gift of eccentric donor Frank Lyod Wrong and takes the unusual form of a parking lot. Each “dorm room” is in fact a used car, parked in a grid pattern. The Dean of the Graduate School is quick to point out that, unlike the derided UC dorm, each “room” offers windows on all sides. “Graduate students will have ample sunshine and ventilation at the touch of a button,” the Dean enthused. The modular model makes the new dorm easy to reconfigure as the student population fluctuates, and also makes for the perfect Covid quarantine solution should that be necessary. If a student dies of Covid in the car, the entire vehicle can be towed away and burned. One advantage to the scheme is that it prepares graduate students for their life as itinerant scholars, driving from one school to another in an attempt to piece together a living in a series of low-paying adjunct jobs.
The shadowy figure behind this controversial new housing proposal is an eccentric tycoon who prefers to be anonymous. However, the tycoon has issued a statement in defense of his Sunshine Dorm which he claims is “where student housing should be going in the United States.” He touts the sustainability of the car-based solution, pointing out that used dorm rooms can be efficiently recycled at the chop shop down the street as needed. Wealthy students can upgrade to higher levels of trim for fully loaded dorm rooms with equipment packages that include heated “beds” and more “closet” space. When asked what inspired his visionary proposal, the billionaire said that the happiest memories of his school years all took place in the backseat of a car parked behind the gym.
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