The Dean of Graduate Students at Fred’s University has sponsored a contest for graduate students because what they all need is more competition. This festive event will further pit graduate students against each other in the name of fun and relaxation.
Since graduate students are famous for their obscure costumes that require more time to explain than it takes to down a beer at a kegger, this contest gives students the time and space to expound at length on their outfits.
Noting that graduate students tend to ruminate on their Halloween costumes for months in advance, even if they do not end up going to any Halloween parties come the day, the Dean is providing ample time for students to submit their essays to the contest.
Submissions should be at least three pages long, with appropriate footnotes (Chicago Style, please). Supporting materials can be submitted as PDFs to the portal. This year we are also accepting PowerPoint presentations of your costume if some clip art will help your cause.
NB You will need an entirely new set of passwords to the Fred’s University system for this contest, and your special Halloween Competition login will require in-person authentication, ideally in costume. There is a one-time $35 charge to register for the contest that you will also have to pay next year.
Prizes of $10 each will be given in the following traditional categories of graduate student Halloween costumes:
Character who only appears in the Director’s Cut of a movie
Character who only appears in the unproduced pilot of a TV show
Character in an unpublished early manuscript of an otherwise well-known writer
People mentioned in the 10-volume collection of an author’s letters
Artist’s model who appears in many famous paintings but whose name is unknown
Please be aware that we are no longer accepting submissions in the following student-generated categories:
Cancer-causing chemical developed at Fred’s University which is in many common foods
Black scholar whose ground-breaking research was unfairly discredited by a white colleague at Fred’s University who then took his job and stole his work
Graduate student who made the hugely profitable scientific breakthrough credited to their professor
Graduate student labor union rep
Graduate student labor union picket line water-carrier
Volunteer lawyer working to help graduate students get their jobs back after they were illegally fired for union activity
Anyone mentioned in Paulo Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed
Welfare case worker providing benefits for graduate students living below the poverty line
Free therapist provided by Fred’s University for suicidal students whose services, it turns out, are not covered after all
Special consideration will be given to costumes that are extremely uncomfortable, unflattering and/or cost more than a graduate student makes in a month.
As per our position paper posted on the portal (a different portal, yes you have to sign up for this separately), the Graduate School is fine with costumes that are offensive to snowflakes who are obsessed with microaggressions. Just no dressing up as the Dean of Graduate Students in her 1985 yearbook: it was a different time!
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