What Gets You Fired
Do you know one of the most common reasons Heads Of Fancy Private Schools get fired? Hint: it has nothing to do with the benchmarks in your contract or your deliverables.
No, one of the greatest dangers for a Head of School is busting the child of a member of the Board of Trustees for drugs.
Are there any statistics available on this? Of course not! Consultants keep that information under wraps. You will not find the salacious details in the Very Boring Publications of the National Association of Imaginary Schools. That’s why this is a Secret Handbook.
What To Watch For
Watch out for your enemy, the Disgruntled Faculty Member Mr. Otis, who is out to get you since you took away his soundproofed office with a birds-eye view of the faculty picnic lunch spot. This is the teacher who is going to turn in the druggie kid. Will Mr. Otis do this just to screw you with the Board? Probably not. Will your enemy get enormous satisfaction from watching you squirm? Yes, indeed!
So, it has happened. Big Board Member’s son Bobbie was caught red-handed selling drugs to a younger kid. Let’s just say this is a long-term retail arrangement that is an open secret at Richard E Rich Academy. Bobbie even sometimes sells drugs to teachers.
The Board Member will do anything to save his kid, including mobilizing the whole community against your “fascist” tactics at Town Meeting style show trials.
Strategy
Don’t spread rumors about the Board Member’s private life, their second family no one knows about, their coke habit, their sexual harassment of the au pair (please don’t call it “an affair”), or their shady internet profile.
All of these things seem like liabilities for the Board Member. But no, they are just fuel for the garbage can gossip fire that threatens your career. Those salacious stories about the Board Member only bring the flames closer to you.
As much as you would like to trash talk the Board Member and his weird sweater vests and creepy vanity plate (BMEMBER) with your one friend in the accounting office, do not do it. There will be plenty of time for gossip if you are fired.
Instead, find the parents who have it in for the Board Member’s drug-dealing kid. For every troubled kid, there are a host of angry parents who have been compiling a rap sheet on that kid since Happy Flowers Preschool. These people don’t want to see the Board Member oust you over the bad seed.
Here is the twist, and unlike most parts of your job, you can actually feel OK about it. The key here is to defend the kid. You’ve already made the angry parents incredibly happy by busting Bobbie. Now enjoy taking the higher moral ground. Without revealing anything about Bobby’s troubled home life, strongly imply that he can’t really be blamed given his circumstances.
Make it seem indecent to gossip about the child (in fact, it is). Suggest it is wrong to use him as a scapegoat for either larger social issues or his no-good family. Create an aura of privacy around the child. This will help shut down the whole issue that’s putting your job at risk.
Now create public occasions where the Board Member is forced to appear with you. Make it something big–end of year assembly, award ceremony (for Worst Board Member! JK), or Board of Trustees Annual Boondoggle Retreat.
By putting the Board Member in the picture with you, you are forcing him to revert to basic courtesy and display decency toward you. And make sure there are photos, lots of photos.
Now put the pictures of you and the Board Member on the front page of the school website and in any mailers that can go out right away. Do not put a picture of him on your own personal school blog page. That would be pushing it and might challenge him to call you out. Keep it on the big stage. Let people think the photos represent a kiss and makeup moment between the two of you.
Once you have neutralized the Big Member, you need to think long-term about stacking the Board in your favor. Stay tuned for future chapters outlining how you can Machiavelli your way out of getting fired.
Extra Tip
When collecting photographs of you and the Bad Board Member, the focus should be on flattering shots of the Board Member, not on how you appear (although otherwise, it is very important how you look in school publications). You want to appeal to the vanity of the Big Member and make him less likely to pull the pictures. So if you are backlit, squinting, or showing some muffin top, all the better. Get friends you can trust to “like” and share the picture. If you don’t have any friends left, use a fake account under another name (Little Member) to like the pictures and try to drive up views on the DL.
Also Read: The Three Types of Parents