Last night Fred’s University was proud to host a talk by noted self-help writer Sam Selly in the newly-constructed Palace of Donors. Sam Selly was on the last leg of his tour promoting his best-selling self-help sensation Anyone Can Succeed.
Two members of the audience peppered Sam Selly with questions. Crusty Curmudgeon, Emeritus Professor of White Archaeology, asked if the message of the book, that anyone can succeed, did not undermine the value of a college education. “Can anyone be a professor of White Archaeology?” Professor Curmudgeon asked. “Or do you need a PhD to succeed in archaeology?”
The Dean interrupted the exchange to ask if Sam Selly would be signing books after the lecture was over.
Assistant Professor of Podcasting Jenny Femmy challenged the idea that one should leave off To-Do-Lists things like laundry, dishes, and other housework, and focus on what is “important”. Sam Selly countered that it’s common knowledge that if you fill up your To-Do-List with everyday tasks you will never achieve your larger goals. Femmy noted that the examples of work that should be left off To-Do-Lists were almost always coded as women’s work. She insisted that this was a sexist bias in the self-help world which demonstrated an underlying devaluing of women’s work.
Professor Curmudgeon pointed out that if you spent your days doing laundry, you would never be able to get to the level of a professor of White Archaeology. Femmy agreed that it is the burden of housework on women that has continued to hold them back in academia and elsewhere.
The Dean again suggested that a book signing might be “fun”.
Professor Curmudgeon ignored the Dean, and declared angrily that someone had to do the laundry and take care of the children, and both are things women like to do. Femmy countered that if those activities were valued, they could be incorporated into a world of work where women were not second-class citizens. Professor Curmudgeon and Jenny Femmy unexpectedly agreed that self-help literature does not take into account the barriers to success for those who are not privileged white males. Sam Selly spoke up to defend his exclusion of housework from To-Do-Lists, and added that he had taken the suggestion word-for-word from another best-selling self-help book. Arriving just in time for the free wine and cheese, sophomore Cocky Slacker spoke out of turn to interject that it is “typical of oldsters to obsess over success!”
Professor Curmudgeon ignored the entreaties of the Dean of Students to buy a copy of Anyone Can Succeed, and suggested that inviting self-help speakers to Fred’s University lowered the level of discourse and reflected a general dumbing down of academic life. Jenny Femmy explained that, because of the exorbitant tuition at Fred’s University, she could not afford to buy a copy of Anyone Can Succeed, or any other book for that matter. All audience members left in a huff.
The 1000-seat capacity lecture hall was not filled as hoped, but the student engagement, faculty participation, and community involvement were high, allowing the Dean of Students to declare the event an unqualified success. (The Dean clarified that since Professor Curmudgeon is officially retired, his presence constitutes community engagement as well as faculty participation).