Like so many struggling prep schools, Richard Rich Academy has a crumbling concrete library from the 1970s which totally ruins the look of the otherwise traditional quadrangle.  

The library was a gift of an Ayn Rand-obsessed alum who thought Atlas shrugged at Georgian architecture. The donor insisted on certain features: instantly moldy maroon carpet everywhere, an impossible-to-heat atrium, and a shrine to her dead cat. Long dead, this donor also dabbled in Libertarian Objectivist doomsday prepping, so a locked room in the basement is designed to protect the Head of School in case of a nuclear attack.

Other attractions include: a poorly-lit back staircase where numerous gropings have occurred, creepy brown tinted glass windows which look like the stained carafe on the staff coffeemaker, a gloomy overhang that attracts bats, a basement supply area used for drug deals and suicide attempts, a windswept loading bay that is impossible to plow in winter, and multiple hallways that are not up to code and create bottlenecks during peak traffic times between classes which could easily end in a stampede and/or horrific human immolation in case of fire.  

Also, it is ugly.

Attempts to raise money to fix the problem have resulted in some half-hearted renovations to the rodent-infested heating ducts and the replacement of the worst of the uber-modern wooden couches with scratchy acrylic cushions.

The horrible truth, that Richard Rich needs a whole new library, is too much for the overwhelmed Development Director to take on–what with her new baby and Long Covid recovery.

Instead of a major capital campaign, the Development Director has reached out to a new company, Hide Your Library Inc, about buying a large nylon cover for the library.   

The cover wraps around the entire building and displays the image of the old Georgian-style library that was torn down in 1972. From a distance, you would never know that under the nylon cover lurks a condemnable biohazard.  

In promotional materials and on campus tours, the cover is realistic enough to give the impression of a more prosperous school. Although much cheaper than a new building, the cover is expensive. The school will only be able to afford to wrap the building on three sides, leaving the loading bay exposed in the back, if not accessible to snowplows.

Also Read: Why Campus Vanity Buildings Get Built

**Starred Comments**

RadAlum68

Reverting to a Georgian architectural style only brings the school back to the era when it was a single-sex school for rich white males. Why reinforce the architecture of oppression?

Barry

The new demographic of students at RR Academy should be able to experience what they were excluded from in the Bad Old Days: a beautiful, visually harmonious campus that inspired a sense of well-being, albeit entitled. It’s not like the 1970s was a Utopian era. In fact, that was the moment that the true promise of both the Civil Rights Movement and Women’s Lib was being sold out.

Outraged

The library is a health hazard. Covering it up only makes the mold problem worse, and the cover will reduce natural light inside. No different than how they covered up the sexual abuse from that time. And a lot of the sexual abuse actually happened in that very library.

RDgse9458

Hooray! Let’s cover the whole campus in nylon. How about a student competition to come up with covers for each building?

Gary Brown, CEO of Hide Your Library Inc

In response to the outrage, our patented covers let in natural light and create a nice dappled effect inside. In the summer, they reduce air conditioning bills, and in the winter they cut down on drafts, so we calculate the covers pay for themselves in energy savings within four years. The nylon is also breathable and in no way contributes to mold. By the way, we also cover residential houses. So if you cannot afford to keep up with the Joneses, we can make it look like you belong.

Also Read: Secret Donor Room

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