Ahead of the holiday season, Public School Zero is working on its Mistletoe Consent Form after incidents in the staff room last year ended in a messy lawsuit. A group of teachers organized under a “Ho Ho No” hashtag, made popular by Grumpy Cat, to avoid a repeat of last year’s events.
What unfolded at the last holiday party has been the subject of little speculation, since it was well-documented by the defendant, chemistry teacher Larry Letch. The undisputed facts are that, while under investigation for repeated incidents of sexual harassment, Larry took it upon himself to cover all the exits from the staff room with mistletoe before the annual office party. At the holiday staff party, Larry then pulled the fuse on the lights for the room, positioned himself at the exit door, and forced himself on every female who tried to leave the event. His lawyer later characterized the incident as “harmless fun” and “jolly hijinx.”
The event was caught on camera by Larry himself, who posted his “holiday pranks” to Twitter. In the background of Larry’s videos, the Principal can be seen passed out on the sectional, while his assistant cleans up spilled eggnog and vomit. Larry argued that attending a staff party with mistletoe is tantamount to consent to be kissed. As evidence, he presented pictures, including some blurry upskirt shots, of the “suggestive” red holiday outfits most teachers were wearing and claimed that staffers were both “asking for it” and “deserved it” when he slobbered his Dorito chip breath all over their “Slutty Santa” faces. Larry calls the Dorito chip flavor his “Lucky Larry Dust” and considers it his signature scent.
The Mistletoe Consent Form was actually Larry’s idea, though he meant it as a joke. Most HR professionals recommend eliminating mistletoe altogether, and a recent Fred’s University study shows that there is a statistically significant overlap between offices that allow mistletoe and those that have high rates of sexual harassment complaints. But the principal of Public School Zero, although he is now on leave in an investigation related to the party, supported the consent form, which Larry publicly signed. It is rumored the principal lobbied for the Mistletoe Consent Form because he has hired male strippers to attend this year’s party to corner Larry under the mistletoe.
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