It is much harder than you think to get rid of a truly bad teacher at a small in-grown private school.
Perhaps when you were hired as the new Head of School at Richard E. Rich Academy you were tasked with chopping out “dead wood,” in particular Mrs. McGillicuddy.
From day one you were beset with emails from angry parents who want Mrs. McGillicuddy out immediately. They send you pictures of the mangey gerbil in her classroom, excerpts from her drunk-sounding emails, and examples of her geography gaffes.
But now that the time has come to fire Mrs. McGillicuddy, who is a forgetful hoarder with a tendency to pick her nose and a tenuous grasp on the map of the USA, you find it is almost impossible.
It turns out you have no legitimate legal reason to fire Mrs. McGillicuddy and there are a host of reasons not to fire her.
The aging teacher who is the butt of many booger jokes has a surprising number of allies.
Why Do Private Schools Hang On to Bad Teachers?
You might think that without unions, state oversight, or school boards to reckon with, independent schools would have no trouble firing bad teachers. Nope.
Small independent schools tend to be risk-averse communities with an antipathy to change.
Everyone in a private school fears for their job. They do not want to see a precedent of staff being fired at will. Deep down most teachers know they are a few days from burnout themselves, and can easily imagine locking themselves in the supply closet for the rest of their careers. Anyone can end up a Mrs. McGillicuddy.
The Mrs. McGillicuddys of this world form alliances with other sad, tired, incompetent teachers and join a mutual gripe society that can have a lot of power on campus.
Even teachers who come in and complain about Mrs. McGillicuddy might have a motive for her to stay: her public failure makes it easier for other teachers to succeed. The grading-on-a-curve mentality is very strong among teachers and they apply it to their own careers.
The Wrong Way To Deal With A Bad Teacher
Faced with an intractable problem, the new Head of School often adopts weak strategies. This is a great way to get fired yourself. (For advice on how to deal with that problem consult the Head’s Secret Handbook: How Not To Get Fired).
Do not try to pretend that you have never heard about the problems with Mrs. McGillicuddy. If you have six moms come in and complain about Mrs. McGillicuddy’s hamster cage, and you tell them all that you were unaware of the wood chip issue, you just look like a fool. Those moms will talk. They know you are lying and they will spread poop on you.
Don’t try to defend Mrs. McGillicuddy. Sure she may remind you of your aging mother. You may have a soft spot for the Apple Crumble she delivers to your office every Friday. It might be that you don’t remember all your state capitols either. But when you defend her you start devaluing your own words. Don’t do this! You have a lot of lies to tell as Head of School and you want to use your BS wisely.
Avoid quotables, which make their way around the parking lot at twice the speed of the rogue bus driver. Instead of falling into either of these traps, you should be silent when confronted about Mrs. McGillicuddy. Get out a notepad and start writing. It doesn’t matter what you write down, just look very serious. Very legal. Writing things down gives the impression of seriousness, it makes the speaker feel listened to, and it is a tiny bit scary.
This will buy you time and you need time.
The Wrong Times to Fire A Teacher
The first wrong time to fire a teacher is at the beginning of the school year. It will poison the whole year and take focus off your all-important fundraising projects.
The other wrong time to fire a teacher is after a parent campaign against him or her. If you let things get to the Town Hall Meeting or Internet Petition phase, you are screwed.
The right time to get rid of Mrs. McGillicuddy is over the summer when parents and teachers are dispersed and do not have regular contact with each other in the parking lot or playing fields. Good intentions die on the beach at Nantucket, and those friends of Mrs. McGillicuddy who gave you trouble in the fall will be three craft cocktails in before they notice your email about her career change.
Ideally, you fire Mrs. McGillicuddy after you have found a great alternate job for her working at a failing community service agency or a senior center where she will soon be a client. Anything but a pet shop.
Exceptions to the Rule
When it’s a matter of abuse, you have to get rid of that teacher immediately even if it costs you your job.
You may become so accustomed to the self-serving inertia of the inbred community of privileged people that you don’t notice anymore how often you put off problems or hush-up horrors. This is how you become your own Mrs. McGillicuddy. In a culture of conservative compromise, accommodation, and reputation management you can easily lose yourself and capitulate to a culture of abuse.
If you catch yourself covering up for an abuser, start looking for jobs at the community center.
Keep The Gerbil
Invest in some good pet bedding and turn that rodent around.
For the students who appreciated Mrs. McGillicuddy’s benign neglect and thrived in her messy low-stress classroom, the gerbil can be a great transitional object. Any alums who come back to say hi can greet the gerbil instead.
For the Head of School who feels the tug of guilt about putting a senior teacher out to pasture, the soft fur of a gerbil and his little heartbeat can be a comfort.