Retraction
This guest post from the PTA Mom Of The Month was removed from the Richard E Rich Academy blog by the Communications Director on the grounds that it puts the school in a bad light and might scare away prospective parents.
The Communications Director tweeted from the school’s official account that, “Richard E Rich Academy does not condone lice in any form. Also my daughter Megan does NOT have lice and she is NOT to blame for the outbreak at Sheila’s slumber party.”
I Like Lice
I like lice, the fun of rooting them out from a long silky strand of hair, and the cozy feeling of having my warm child on my lap as I comb their hair.
When one animal grooms another it is called “allogrooming” and it is a source of connection and bonding that strengthens individual and group relationships. When primates groom each other, removing lice, ticks and dirt, they build the reciprocal relationships that human culture is based on.
Don’t believe all the anti-lice propaganda on Facebook after Sheila’s slumber party. Lice-shaming is based on the false belief that head lice cause the same diseases as body lice. They do not. Head lice are harmless.
Head lice are just as likely to strike the oligarch’s daughter sailing under the radar on a superyacht as the child sheltering from bombs under a highway in Ukraine. It is body lice that are linked to the diseases of poverty, migration and war. People like to hate on immigrants and refugees, hence the hysteria about lice in general.
Enjoy your nit-picking without fearing your child is going to get typhus from head lice.
Now that lice have become resistant to the creepy pesticides we used to pour on our heads, the EPA recommends you remove lice the old-fashioned way: by hand. Ideally, you use something slimy like coconut oil, conditioner or Cetaphil to speed up the combing and slow down the critters. It can be fun!
Haircare is a great time to talk with your child about their sexist PE teacher, the clogged toilet in the science building and the inappropriate videos girls were watching at Sheila’s party. You might want to ask your child what goes on behind the gym on weekends or if they have noticed that Mrs. Leaf seems to eat an awful lot of gummy bears for lunch.
According to the gossip and grooming hypothesis, we primates may well have developed language as part of their group grooming activities. As language came to replace physical grooming as the central mechanism by which humans raised children, we lost something delightful. Those monkeys and chimps in videos grooming their young look a hell of a lot happier than our kids fighting with us over video game time via Snapchat from a windowless basement rec room.
So pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy looking for our six-legged friends. Lice have been evolving with us for thousands of years. And don’t blame Megan’s mom, it’s not her fault Megan got lice, and slumber parties are overrated.
Also Read: Birthday Party Predicament