What Are The Impacts of the Replication Crisis?
The replication crisis, which highlighted how few scientific results could be reproduced in follow-up studies, has been a boon to the Industry Funded Study Department at Fred’s University. If no study can be replicated, how can you fault a faulty industry study? The poor replication rate gives great cover to shoddy studies designed to make products look good.
Hoping to capitalize on this trend, Fred’s University tried to place an ad in the Chronicle of Higher Education offering to provide any desired scientific result to clients interested in Fred’s University’s very expensive seal of approval.
The proposed ad for industry-funded research featured a cute-looking mouse and read:
Whatever Your Result, We Can Get It For You!
Mice are at the ready in our shiny government-subsidized labs to prove that your product is safe and effective. Results guaranteed or your money back (but don’t worry….we will get your result). Very high rates available on request.
Unfortunately, the ad triggered an ethics investigation when a member of the editorial board passed it on to a friend as a joke (he later insists he meant it as funny strange not funny haha).
Fred’s University is now under investigation for the exploitation of mice. Animal rights groups feel portraying a seemingly happy friendly mouse forced to advertise his own medical trafficking is one bridge too far. They also point out that the widespread abuse of lab rats is actually undermining medical results. Studies are finding that abusive lab conditions trigger many of the conditions scientists are trying to study–chronic pain, cancer, anxiety–invalidating results.
The temporary shutdown of Fred’s U’s labs since the scandal has caused a financial crisis with far-reaching consequences, including the delay of promised industry results. If the mistreatment of animal subjects turns out to be one reason for the replication crisis, any attempt to treat lab animals better could further undermine the industry-funded research model which thrives on poor science.
In an attempt to deliver results on time, Fred’s University is reaching out to human subjects in its flagship Poxcodone study. Please contact Dr. Littlepill if you would like to be included in a study. Note: All subjects will be required to sign a photo release.
Also Read: Poxycodone Opioid Death Park Memorial