Nerds Hate Playgrounds
Nerds do not like recess and they particularly hate playgrounds. Studies have shown what any nerd already knows: lots of bullying happens in playgrounds.
ADA-compliant playgrounds with universal design features are an important part of making playgrounds more accessible for kids with physical impairments. And there has been a move to design playgrounds that reduce aggressive play and promote cooperation among the popular kids and jocks. But efforts to mitigate the negatives in playgrounds don’t make them positive places for nerds.
Nerd recess refusal can be hard on teachers. Kindly teachers often give up their own lunches and breaks to talk with lonely nerds about Ancient Greece and Emily Dickinson.
School News Today surveyed Public School Zero students and teachers (many of whom are nerds themselves) and these are the ideas they came up with for Nerd-Friendly Playground Features:
Reading Pods
These pods only fit one person, so there is no chance of being bullied inside. You can lock the door to make sure no one gets in. Pods are lit from a skylight so no one can see in and make fun of Gender Queer, the banned book you are reading.
Dungeons and Dragons Tables
D&D tables should be constructed of stone so that jocks could not turn them over, and benches should be built in so they could not be weaponized by bullies. Teachers would be able to play D&D there after school as well.
Knitting Pit
A series of concentric steps allows students to sit and knit together in happy harmony. This knitting circle would have built-in yarn winders with soft edges that could not be turned against crafters. Structures suitable for yarn bombing would mean the knitters would soon decorate the area themselves with their public knitting projects. Resulting Instagram cred would further protect nerds.
Noise Cancelling Headphone Charging Station
Headphones can be an important tool for tuning out the screams of pain and shouts of victory from other kids on the playground. Chargers should be placed at table height so nerds are not in a prone position and at risk of being kicked while charging. And charger ports should be at least six feet apart so that if bullies are using them they will be at a safe distance from the nerds peacefully charging their devices.
Stim Wall
Rock climbing walls are great for alphas to show off their apex predator skills. Nerds fear climbing walls because they create a theater of failure. Climbing walls also offer photo ops for upskirt and upbutt pix that can make moments of shame last forever.
Not so with stim walls. These walls provide hours of tranquil mental and physical stimulation without a Roman amphitheater effect.
One suggestion was for a human-sized stainless steel abacus that would offer the fun of counting and calculating, while slowly spinning metal balls. Another idea was for a wall of interlocking gears with turning handles. How about a wall of sturdy metal fidget spinners?
Poetry Corner
A weeping willow tree and a reflecting pool are key aspects of the poetry corner. An herb garden featuring poetic plants like rosemary, sage, rue, and thyme is a great extra.
Sand tables would make it possible for poets to write out their secret thoughts and quickly erase them before trolls could read them. Another advantage of sand tables is that mean graffiti would be removed by the rain, making less work for teachers at the end of the day.
Quidditch Field
Nerds do not actually want a Quidditch Field in the communal playground. It is too easy for this sport to be turned into another tool of allistic domination over neurospicy students.
Quidditch should only be played in afterschool hours when real athletes are busy practicing real sports and there is no danger of Quidditch being mocked or co-opted. The same goes for a Live Action Role Play Field. LARPing is not safe in mixed company. Introducing bows and arrows into a playground would endanger nerds, let alone swords and sabers.
Field of Tall But Not Too Tall Grass
Short grass is good for athletes to play mean competitive games with high-injury rates. Too tall grass can hide student and adult predators. The ideal grass for nerds is about two feet tall. Medium-height ornamental grasses will deter competitive hierarchical play and provide a haven for all sorts of birds, animals, and bugs to observe.
When the wind rushes through the grass it adds a soothing symphonic soundscape particularly pleasing to kids on the autism spectrum. You can also stare into the grass from the Poetry Corner and observe the play of light and subtly changing colors as the grass sways in the breeze possibly inspiring a new poem. Statues of famous poets and D&D characters dispersed throughout the Field of Tall But Not Too Tall Grass would also be great for yarn bombing.
Neurospicy Playground Layout
Nerd-friendly fixtures should be placed near the entrance to the playground and adjacent to school buildings and teacher hangout areas so that there is maximum supervision.
The best traffic flow is for the non-nerds to surge forward into the regular part of the playground, allowing the nerds to unobtrusively fall behind in their safe space.
If nerds have to walk through the normal playground to access their area, they are at risk of wedgies, taunts and being hit with sticks.
Nerds can also plan to leave to playground as soon as they know recess is over, so that they are already safely out of the way before mean kids come through their space to exit.
Shared structures should be isolated in an area between the nerd zone and the regular zone, with enough surrounding space to form a buffer and to give teachers good sightlines of conflict.
To make the nerd area safest for nerds, the high-conflict areas of the normal playground should be as far away as possible. The most aggressive and competitive neurotypicals should be drawn to the opposite end of the playspace from the nerds.
Unexpected Benefits of Nerd-Friendly Playgrounds
Initial field-testing of nerd-friendly playground design shows an unintended benefit: reduced stress for bullies. It’s hard work bullying nerds, and it takes a toll on bullies. If the nerds are off in their happy places instead of lingering sadly on the outskirts of the popular areas asking for trouble, they don’t attract as much violence.
That makes it easier for bullies to go about their business and enjoy the main purpose of the recess which is to wear them out so they are too tired to harass teachers in the classroom.
Here’s another little-known fact. A lot of bullies have friends and family members who are nerds. They might even feel a bit bad for the nerds. It isn’t as fun as you might think to lord over others, there’s a lot of pressure to be cruel. The plight of the excluded actually makes some popular kids feel bad.
Reports from Dungeon Masters indicate that a few adventures have ended with an unforeseen twist in their campaign: a number of characters who were cast as bullies end up sitting at the D&D table.
Also Read: The Group Work Game