Fred’s University

Fred’s University is a proudly bottom-tier university that exists for the purpose of satire, spoof and humor. Although the beer is real, Fred’s University is entirely imaginary.

Shopping Graduate Programs? Pay Attention to Faculty Photos

If the staff pics all look like they have been run through a beauty filter at the Factory of Conformity and Lies, be very afraid.
Read More: Shopping Graduate Programs? Pay Attention to Faculty Photos
Ways Patriarchy Makes Men Miserable

The very things that used to make men feel happy, proud, and empowered are making them feel bad instead. Patriarchal privileges begins to sour
Read More: Ways Patriarchy Makes Men Miserable
Landscape Vs. Portrait: Friday School Poem

What I teach/ Versus what I am/ Toast versus jam/ Days of the week/ Versus here I am/ Slap versus slam/ In my head/ Versus on the exam
Read More: Landscape Vs. Portrait: Friday School Poem
How To Fix A Failing Museum

Your failing museum needs a fix. Can you save your museum with a Bob Ross Night or Etsy Expo? Advice on how not to ruin your museum.
Read More: How To Fix A Failing Museum
Angry Old Professor: Friday School Poem

The days are long/ And the weeks are work/ The months are wrong/ The terms turn/ As I do my bit/ My time dies/ As I devour it
Read More: Angry Old Professor: Friday School Poem
The Problem With The Sleeping Beauty Problem

What is the problem with “The Sleeping Beauty Problem”? This video explains the history of the game theory experiment and offers a critique.
Read More: The Problem With The Sleeping Beauty Problem
Cancer Lessons: School Poem

They should tell/ Student doctors/ What nurses know/ Cancer is not an enemy/ But more of a/ Bad boyfriend/ Who keeps coming around
Read More: Cancer Lessons: School Poem
Candidates for The Board of Trustees You Won’t Be Voting For

You won’t be voting for the woman who stole your boyfriend or the annoying over-achiever but you might vote for the Russian agent!
Read More: Candidates for The Board of Trustees You Won’t Be Voting For
What I’m Really Thinking About When You Talk About Your Dissertation Idea

It is highly likely that you will start crying if I crush your dissertation dreams. I wish I had gotten that travel grant to Florence.
Read More: What I’m Really Thinking About When You Talk About Your Dissertation Idea
Academic Condolence Cards

Academic greeting cards for teachers on every occasion from not getting that travel grant to Paris to being rejected from a conference
Read More: Academic Condolence Cards
Faculty Dinner Party Menus Through the Decades

What was served at academic dinner parties decade by decade as told by a veteran server at the house of the President of Fred’s University
Read More: Faculty Dinner Party Menus Through the Decades
Dear Butterscotch: Breastfeeding Catfight

Economics Professor objects to her younger millennial colleague breastfeeding her baby in the faculty lounge, gets schooled by Butterscotch
Read More: Dear Butterscotch: Breastfeeding Catfight
Stop saying “Because of Tuskegee”

Dear Bob, when, as a white man, you reference Tuskegee you do it in a way that minimizes hundreds of years of medical discrimination
Read More: Stop saying “Because of Tuskegee”
Is the University System An Example of Alt Capitalism and its Dangers?

Like the B-corp model, universities are based on stringent gate-keeping evaluations and the high prestige of imagined meritocracy. Beware!
Read More: Is the University System An Example of Alt Capitalism and its Dangers?
An Account of A Day In The Life of An English Adjunct

A penny-by-penny account of a day in the life of an underpaid, overworked adjunct English professor making ends meet
Read More: An Account of A Day In The Life of An English Adjunct
Cooking School for Dogs

Watch this Shih Tzu cook a sweet potato as part of Fred University’s new Culinary School program for dogs.
Read More: Cooking School for Dogs
Self-Help Is Built on Three Lies

The three lies of self-help: you can only change yourself, anyone can set boundaries, and that money follows passion. Good luck with that!
Read More: Self-Help Is Built on Three Lies
The Four Types of Financial Aid Resentment

Everyone hates the financial aid process which is part of a rigged system enriching schools while stirring up resentment and bitterness.
Read More: The Four Types of Financial Aid Resentment
Dear Butterscotch: Forced Gratitude Is Servitude

Gratitude practices are a part of the self-help movement which wrongly tells people they can solve all their problems with an attitude change
Read More: Dear Butterscotch: Forced Gratitude Is Servitude
Ways Our English Department is Like The NXIVM Slave Cult

Like cult leader Keith Raniere, our Department Chair does not wash his hair believing his aroma is intoxicating to young female grad students
Read More: Ways Our English Department is Like The NXIVM Slave Cult
What Democrats and Republicans Have In Common

14 Core Political Beliefs in the US held by both Parties that flip back and forth between the two political parties
Read More: What Democrats and Republicans Have In Common
White Women, Please Stop Calling Yourself Girls

The reason white women call themselves girls is that girls have more cultural capital than grown women and it has a lot to do with race
Read More: White Women, Please Stop Calling Yourself Girls
Reform Publishing: End The Literary Agent System Now!

Book manuscripts should be selected by a anonymous consortium of authors instead of a tiny elite group of white agents
Read More: Reform Publishing: End The Literary Agent System Now!
Fred’s University Tries To Rank Higher On Google, Despair Ensues

Fred’s University Dean of SEO is mandating that at least 15% of all content posted to Fred’s University sites must be cat-related.
Read More: Fred’s University Tries To Rank Higher On Google, Despair Ensues
Motivational Speaker Gives Address on Housework in The Philosophy Department

Fred’s University is closing its Philosophy Department and former professors are annoyed a talk on housework is being held in Socrates Hall
Read More: Motivational Speaker Gives Address on Housework in The Philosophy Department
The Problem of “Trophy Wives” in School Fundraising and What It Says About Late Stage Patriarchy

So-called Trophy Wives are a problem for school fundraising focused on men. Anti-patriarchal development strategies defy the stereotype.
Read More: The Problem of “Trophy Wives” in School Fundraising and What It Says About Late Stage Patriarchy
That’s The House: Friday Office Poem

That’s the house where the Dean died/ It was on his front porch/ Gunshot supposedly suicide / Not to make it a whodunnit
Read More: That’s The House: Friday Office Poem
Graduate Student Halloween Costume Explanation Essay Contest

Prize categories include: Character who only appears in the Director’s Cut of a movie, artist’s model whose name is unknown
Read More: Graduate Student Halloween Costume Explanation Essay Contest
Why Your Doctor Doesn’t Want You To Google Your Illness

The doctor who rolls his eyes when you mention your Google search is not afraid of “misinformation” but of losing power over you.
Read More: Why Your Doctor Doesn’t Want You To Google Your Illness
How To Research Your Frenemy from Summer Camp

Fred’s University’s required internet rabbit hole research course covers how to find your friend from camp who stole your Instagram account
Read More: How To Research Your Frenemy from Summer Camp
Money for Pharma in Harm Reduction Model

Revenue Pharma will sponsor a seminar to examine how drug companies can exploit the Harm Reduction rehab sector for pharma profit.
Read More: Money for Pharma in Harm Reduction Model
Reform the Interview Process Now!

A long interview process reinforces rigid, dated rites of belonging embedded in the rituals of straight white male cis privilege
Read More: Reform the Interview Process Now!
What We Will Lose If We Cancel Conferences

Academic conferences are on the decline and I am happy not to be cornered by Creepy Carl and endure his snarky comments on my “Lady Science”
Read More: What We Will Lose If We Cancel Conferences
Fat Shamers Called Out at Obesity Conference

This is what fat shamers need to know about the historical and environmental causes of obesity and the racist origins of body shaming
Read More: Fat Shamers Called Out at Obesity Conference
What Your Dorm Sheets Reveal About You

What happens to your dorm sheets over summer vacation tells a lot about you. It’s not the stains! The richest kids leave their sheets behind
Read More: What Your Dorm Sheets Reveal About You
How To Introduce A Speaker

Relate everything you say about the speaker to your own career and Patreon channel. Make a joke no one will laugh at.
Read More: How To Introduce A Speaker
Free Medical Procedure For A Good Review

Can Fred Med overcome poor online ratings by paying for good reviews in exchange for free medical procedures?
Read More: Free Medical Procedure For A Good Review
The Three Kinds of Parents At Graduation

Your parents might be making a big sacrifice to attend your graduation and be in tears, or your father maybe texting as you get your diploma
Read More: The Three Kinds of Parents At Graduation
Mice Ready! Get Your Industry Study

Fred’s University looking for industry-funded studies and research money hopes to capitalize on the replication crisis
Read More: Mice Ready! Get Your Industry Study
Dear Butterscotch: Death Threats from Dept Chair

Academic Advice Column: School of Government Professor hires students to build a gallows on the quad and threatens faculty
Read More: Dear Butterscotch: Death Threats from Dept Chair
The Journey of a Very Expensive Bottle of Wine

A fancy bottle of wine from an Ed Tech sales rep is re-gifted around campus until it meets a bad end in the hands of the Dean’s son
Read More: The Journey of a Very Expensive Bottle of Wine
Reading is Self-Care: Merge Public Health With English Department

Fred’s University is merging the English Department with the School of Public Health as part of its initiative to promote reading as self-care
Read More: Reading is Self-Care: Merge Public Health With English Department
There are Two Kinds of Colleges: Boozer and Stoner

There are colleges where students blackout drink from Thursday through Sunday, and colleges where students are somewhat stoned every day.
Read More: There are Two Kinds of Colleges: Boozer and Stoner
Alum Organizes Rogue Freshman Welcome To Housing Project

Alum Darius Richardson decides to host his own welcome event for Fred’s University freshmen in the housing project where he grew up
Read More: Alum Organizes Rogue Freshman Welcome To Housing Project
Welcome Event for New Students Not To Be Held In the Projects

In The Privileged Poor author Anthony Abraham Jack argues that ritzy private events can be alienating to students
Read More: Welcome Event for New Students Not To Be Held In the Projects
Land Grab Scandal Crisis Consultants

Fred’s University hired Land Grab Scandal Crisis Consultants after revelations that the university was part of a native land grab
Read More: Land Grab Scandal Crisis Consultants
How To Push A Negative Story Off The Front Page Of Google

Ernie the Eraser removes negative stories about Fred’s University from the internet using reverse SEO tools and secret weapon Mopey Marjorie
Read More: How To Push A Negative Story Off The Front Page Of Google
AutoCorrect Poem: Friday Office Poetry

My dear Otto/ Correct or disconnect/ Lotto of language/ I didn’t mean that/ The meat of it/ Or the meanness
Read More: AutoCorrect Poem: Friday Office Poetry
Sociological Perspectives on Marketing Baby Formula

Fred’s University Institute for Planned Obsolescence is partnering with baby formula conglomerate, Big Baby, to make motherhood obsolete
Read More: Sociological Perspectives on Marketing Baby Formula
Students Want Better Wages Not Fancy Buildings From Donors

Fred’s University students were reprimanded today for lobbying the university’s largest donor, Sam Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup magnate.
Read More: Students Want Better Wages Not Fancy Buildings From Donors
Cats Against War: Stop the Ecocide

Cats explain the devastating environmental impact of war on our water, air and earth in a new Educational Cat Video.
Read More: Cats Against War: Stop the Ecocide
Racism is A Medical Error

Fred Med Medical Error Conference makes the error of excluding the topic of racism, cat video argues racism is a medical error
Read More: Racism is A Medical Error
Therapist Notes on Professor Grope Leaked To Victim

Notes from Professor Grope’s therapy sessions were leaked to the Fred’s University community following allegations against him
Read More: Therapist Notes on Professor Grope Leaked To Victim
Funniest Tweets from Adjunct Faculty This Week

Hilarious tweets from Fred’s University adjunct professors and lecturers this week will have you laughing your head off. “I couldn’t afford food for the 4 days until my next paycheck, so I did some dumpster diving for canapes from the Capital Campaign Fundraiser and got food poisoning.”(“The low pay that contingent faculty face has also…
Read More: Funniest Tweets from Adjunct Faculty This Week
Invisible Labor Study Failed to Take Into Account Women of Color

A recent Fred’s University study included a list of invisible labor tasks in home laundry which failed to take into account women of color.
Read More: Invisible Labor Study Failed to Take Into Account Women of Color
University Department of Podcasting Announces Friday Office Poetry Podcast

Fred’s University’s newly endowed Department of Podcasting to produce a Friday Office Poetry podcast with a tiny number of listeners.
Read More: University Department of Podcasting Announces Friday Office Poetry Podcast
Poor Pay Twice As Much for A Doctor Visit as Rich

Cost of a routine doctor’s appointment at Fred’s Med Clinic costs a maintenance worker twice what it costs a top administrator
Read More: Poor Pay Twice As Much for A Doctor Visit as Rich
How Not To Harass Your Students Educational Cat Video

Fred’s University’s outdated Sexual Harassment Policy updated by a graduate-student-cat video “How Not To Harass Your Students.
Read More: How Not To Harass Your Students Educational Cat Video
Sister School in Nigeria Educates US Women On Dangers of Gas Stoves

Fred’s University’s sister school in Nigeria to educate American women about the dangers of the gas stoves in their own homes.
Read More: Sister School in Nigeria Educates US Women On Dangers of Gas Stoves
Get Rich Quick Schemes For Academics

A Fred’s University workshop on the 4 Things Academics Can Do To Get Rich Quick and the 4 Things Holding Academics Back from Getting Rich
Read More: Get Rich Quick Schemes For Academics
Make The Metaverse Safe For Cats

Students gathered to protest Fred’s University involvement in the metaverse and make demands to keep the metaverse safe via viral cat video.
Read More: Make The Metaverse Safe For Cats
Witch Services Offered by Fred’s University Professor

Professor Blair has been placed on leave from the Symbology Department after she allegedly offered a Tenure Spell to a junior faculty member.
Read More: Witch Services Offered by Fred’s University Professor
Anthropology of Christmas Letters

The Sad Symposium will feature 11th-year graduate student Karl Meyerowitz speaking on The American Anthropology of Christmas Letter
Read More: Anthropology of Christmas Letters
Friday Admin Poem: End of the Fiscal Year

Poetry for the end of the fiscal year, the start of antifreeze season, the appearance of requests for letters of recommendation
Read More: Friday Admin Poem: End of the Fiscal Year
Futuristic Parking Lot Dorm Gift of Eccentric Tycoon

An eccentric millionaire donates a new dorm for graduate students but insists that the dorm consist of a parking lot of used cars.
Read More: Futuristic Parking Lot Dorm Gift of Eccentric Tycoon
Poxycodone Park Opioid Death Memorial

The Sicker Family, owner of Revenue Pharma, has suggested the Fred’s University Opioid Death Memorial be named for their new drug, Poxycodone.
Read More: Poxycodone Park Opioid Death Memorial
Friday Admin Poem: Verification Loop

Russian hackers create poetic verification loop for Fred’s University email users.
Read More: Friday Admin Poem: Verification Loop
Ho Ho No Mistletoe Consent Form

Public School Zero presents a Mistletoe Consent From ahead of the holiday season to avoid a repeat of last years staff party problems
Read More: Ho Ho No Mistletoe Consent Form
Letter of Resignation: Close The Schools!

Professor Dont resigned from the English Department, stating that teaching Standard English was linguistic and cultural torture of students.
Read More: Letter of Resignation: Close The Schools!
Work Begins on Opioid Death Monument at Fred’s University

Sicker Family settlement pays for Opioid Death Monument to be placed in a Superfund site in the Badlands of campus.
Read More: Work Begins on Opioid Death Monument at Fred’s University
Virtue Signal

Fred’s University Mini-Course in Virtue Signaling reassures you that you are not a racist without provoking any anxiety or introspection.
Read More: Virtue Signal
Friday Admin Poem: Note From The Night Cleaner

Earbuds, gloves/Backpack vac/Magic Eraser/I know your office/Better than It knows itself…
Read More: Friday Admin Poem: Note From The Night Cleaner
Zillow History of The Northeast

Professor Small offers Zillow cyber sleuthing class on local real estate.
Read More: Zillow History of The Northeast
Friday Admin Poem: Afghanistan

Afghanistan Friday Admin Poem: Afghanistan Summer program/Billing code canceled/Leave the field blank/What is owed cannot be calculated
Read More: Friday Admin Poem: Afghanistan
Designed to F

Fred’s University is proud to announce its latest industry collaboration: The Institute for Planned Obsolescence.
Read More: Designed to F
Catty Clutter Controversy

Ms. Felinity was cited for clutter in her classroom by concerned PTA moms who noticed the class cat was missing. Drama developed.
Read More: Catty Clutter Controversy
Friday Admin Poetry: False Alarm

Dark wake or sleep/ Blinking LED/ Battery charged/ Beeping below the birds/ Nightingales sing at dawn/ Defending their territory
Read More: Friday Admin Poetry: False Alarm
Spotlight Review Fred Med Hospital: Breaches of Patient Privacy and Confidentiality

Accidentally posted “Spotlight Review” highlights dirt, tears and patient danger at Fred Med Hospital.
Read More: Spotlight Review Fred Med Hospital: Breaches of Patient Privacy and Confidentiality
Admin Poetry Workshop to Meet in Copy Closet

Copy Closet Poetry Workshop features no fees, no insider references, and no groping from featured married poet.
Read More: Admin Poetry Workshop to Meet in Copy Closet
Live and Learn! Foundation Name Change Newsletter Edits

Following the renaming of the Woodrow Wilson Fellowship, we are removing the name of our racist founder and rebranding as The Live and Learn! Foundation.
Read More: Live and Learn! Foundation Name Change Newsletter Edits
Museum of Insider Art

Insider art is at risk of becoming marginalized and devalued, Richard Rich Academy celebrates alum artist’s homage to her horse Bordeaux.
Read More: Museum of Insider Art
Tea Party

At a Public School Zero event on sex education resources for teachers, a “Tea and Consent” graphic was defaced in the men’s room.
Read More: Tea Party
The Notorious D.O.G.

School service dog scandal emerges when the Public School Zero Special Services Director has her own bulldog trained as the service dog.
Read More: The Notorious D.O.G.
Classroom Dynamics

Classroom dynamics shown to be much more complex for students of color, non-males and students who are not bougie.
Read More: Classroom Dynamics
Admin Poetry for Office Work

Poems about office work: “The spreadsheet opens/Empty cells/Summer term/Scent of fresh ink cartridge…”
Read More: Admin Poetry for Office Work
Schools At Risk

Schools are at risk for mistreating so-called “at-risk” students.
Read More: Schools At Risk
Micro-Credentials

Public School Zero to offer Micro-Credentials for educators in bathroom politics, butt pinchers and office parties.
Read More: Micro-Credentials
Unpopular Study

Peer Ranking Study Harms Child Subjects
Read More: Unpopular Study
Shining Light on Beach Movies

School fundraiser committee substitutes sexist beach movies for Senior Slave Auction
Read More: Shining Light on Beach Movies
Icebreaker or Ice Maker?

Teambuilding Icebreakers Can Be Ice Makers
Read More: Icebreaker or Ice Maker?
Luxury Hotel Group Eyes Richard E Rich Campus

With its concierge model of education, the Richard E Rich campus is targeted for a buyout by a luxury hotel group.
Read More: Luxury Hotel Group Eyes Richard E Rich Campus
Virtual Anthropology

Anthropology Department converts to all virtual Armchair Anthropology
Read More: Virtual Anthropology
Secret English Department Meeting Notes Found

Secret English Department Meeting Notes Found of the Ha Ha Ha Club recording sexist quips, witticisms and bon mots.
Read More: Secret English Department Meeting Notes Found
Hands Off

New Hands Off Dress Code at Public School Zero requires respect for all cultural styles of dress.
Read More: Hands Off
Graduation Budget Cuts

Budget cuts mean Public School Zero graduation speeches are limited to 5 minutes and one inspirational cliche.
Read More: Graduation Budget Cuts
Put Your Heart Into It

Fred’s U asks less well-off alums to donate organs instead of stocks or bonds. Organs will be re-sold or given to Winner’s Circle Donors.
Read More: Put Your Heart Into It
Phantom Bureaucracy

Noting that Concordia University is offering online classes prepared by a professor who has subsequently died, Fred’s University is looking into the possibility of using dead administrators to execute some tasks. This experimental program will repurpose existing emails, tweets, and PowerPoint presentations from departed administrators. The program is expected to save time on repetitive…
Read More: Phantom Bureaucracy
Political Apathy Apothecary

Patent Remedies are “medicines” that don’t work. Liberal Tears & Conservative Bile don’t replace reparations for racial injustice.
Read More: Political Apathy Apothecary
ASMR For Teachers: End Of School

After Ms. Ashley Shirley Moss-Ross made a ASMR paper tearing video for teachers she was reprimanded by the principal.
Read More: ASMR For Teachers: End Of School
Psych Out

Psychology Department Chair Claims He was Conducting an Experiment when he billed his colleagues for a house party.
Read More: Psych Out