An unnamed fifth-grade girl went to the Public School Zero Nurse’s Office in tears this morning after fellow fifth-grader Animal Caligary posted photos of her butt on Twitter, with demeaning comments attached, during gym.
The nurse gave the girl a box of Anti-Internet Drops, with instructions to take two with Twitter, and sent her back to class.
When the girl returned to the gym, Animal Caligary immediately stole the Anti-Internet Drops and distributed them to the rest of the class. The girl’s mother called into the Nurse’s Office later that day to complain that the drops contain sugar, and her daughter is not allowed to eat sugar (or dairy, gluten, meat, fish or fowl). The Assistant Principal called the office to point out that the nurse had failed to follow the Public School Zero Anti-Bullying Protocol, including not filling in the relevant paperwork.
The gym teacher complained to the Assistant Principal that the candy had created a disruption in the gym. Animal Caligary’s mother posted a demeaning comment on Twitter about the gym teacher and her inability to control her class, which prompted a Twitter reprimand from the Assistant Principal. In response to the Assistant Principal’s tweet, Animal’s mother posted a video of herself forcibly entering the Nurse’s Office, stealing both cases of Anti-Internet Drops from the supply closet, and pouring fistfuls of candy down her throat.
The nurse tweeted back that Public School Zero Anti-Internet Drops are available to buy at this link.