A recent study at the Burning Badger School has shown that mothers at trendy alternative Waldorf schools feel pressure to serve their children virtuous snacks. The researchers found that social pressure on occasions like school birthday parties and festivals can be overwhelming and negatively impact maternal health.

The close-knit nature of Waldorf schools, which typically don’t have more than 180 students, adds to the degree of pressure mothers feel. As noted by Professor Arthur Dobrin, DSW, “Group pressure is enormously effective in producing social conformity, and nowhere is the pressure to conform stronger than in small, close-knit groups.”

While the study did not take into account fathers, who prepare less than 5% of birthday cupcakes, exploratory research has indicated that when fathers do make birthday cupcakes, they are faced with greater scrutiny and are often the subject of bullying jokes from mothers and teachers.  

Media stereotypes of bumbling incompetent dads unable to do basic household chores are certainly partly to blame. According to a study published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media, “When sitcoms stereotype fathers, they seem to suggest that men are somehow inherently ill-suited for parenting. That sells actual fathers short and, in heterosexual, two-parent contexts, it reinforces the idea that mothers should take on the lion’s share of parenting responsibilities.”

However, several mothers in the Waldorf School study pointed out that a significant mitigating factor in paternal cupcake stress is that fathers get much more credit and praise when they do produce cupcakes, and also are judged less harshly on their productions.  

A study of paternal health and environmental cupcake cues is underway.

Task Force Recommendations

As part of the research recommendations, a Burning Badger Waldorf School task force suggested some simple interventions that could alleviate maternal anxiety and mitigate their resulting health risk.  

A pilot program, entitled the Burning Badger Bean Box, is already underway.

Inspired by the free Finnish “Baby Boxes” in which every newborn in Finland receives clothing, bedding, and diapers, these Burning Badger Bean Boxes contain a case of canned black beans and will make it possible for any parent to produce a seemingly healthy birthday cupcake with little effort.

Each Burning Badger Bean Box comes with 12 cans of cage-free Biodynamic black beans with a Cruelty-Free-Farming certification. The beans come with detailed instructions on how to prepare Seemingly Healthy Black Bean Birthday Cupcakes.

Black Bean Cupcake Recipe 

The secret of black bean cupcakes is that you substitute one can of black beans for the fat in any recipe. Yes, you rinse the beans first to remove the disgusting murky pond juice redolent of leeches.

The bean cupcakes will taste almost the same as real cupcakes, as long as you don’t tell your children they are bean cupcakes.

Here’s another tip. Tell the other parents you are serving bean cupcakes, but don’t add beans. The delicious buttery delightfully rich cupcakes will taste as healthy as bean cupcakes–without the bean aftertaste!

Either way, with or without beans, you can avoid the sting of shame and add to your pandemic panic pantry stores with another case of canned goods.

How about adding some dead flowers from your winter garden? Show in photo: shriveled Lamb’s Ear flower cupcake topper.

Note:
The bean cupcakes are the subject of an art exhibit opening this week at the Museum of Imaginary Art featuring elusive Eurofash photographer Deiter Reichstag. Posters from the exhibition, which is sponsored by the Association of Imaginary Schools as part of a tax dodge, will benefit the Burning Badger Bean Box project after all profits go to the artist.

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