At a contentious Teacher’s Union meeting in the basement of the now-abandoned Philosophy Department, graduate student teaching assistants and Fred’s University adjuncts, lecturers and professors met to discuss their new logo Wednesday night.
Ever since the Philosophy Program was closed, the building has been allowed to fall into disrepair. The first order of business was the news that the town was moving to have the Philosophy building condemned and whether that meant it was necessary to find a new location.
It was agreed by a healthy margin that the minor inconveniences of falling ceiling tiles, flickering electricity, and a mild mold aroma were not worth the trouble of relocating.
The second order of business was the long-anticipated logo redesign. The original logo, which featured crossed feather quill pens and a bottle of ink, was designed in the 1970s by Professor Dearolddad from the Poetry of Privilege Department. Although beloved by many of the old guards, the younger members felt that the logo did not express either the values or the challenges of the current academic environment. It was privately whispered that Professor Dearolddad, who is supported by his wife, heiress to the Walter’s Widget fortune which underwrites Fred’s University, was free to enjoy his antique pen collection because he had no need to make a living, and even less understanding of the very real economic pressures facing today’s academics.
Over time the Teacher’s Union logo has become a symbol of everything that’s wrong with the Union’s leadership rather than an emblem of hope for the future.
At the meeting, several suggestions were made for alternate icons to appear on the logo. In honor of the fact that most adjunct faculty have to drive hundreds of miles a week to commute from one low-paying college to another, one member suggested that the logo feature a “freeway flyer” automobile icon. Another young member suggested that since at least a quarter of all adjunct faculty are on public assistance, the logo should feature a block of government cheese.
Other ideas included a chain icon to represent the crushing student debt most faculty still carry, a pot of gold to represent the money administrators have stolen from faculty salaries over recent decades, and a bad haircut to represent George.
Discussions of the logo became so contentious that no further business was discussed and the meeting was adjourned.