Richard E Rich Academy
Richard E Rich Academy is a highly selective, very expensive, extremely snobby imaginary prep school.
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How To Fire A Bad Teacher: Head’s Secret Handbook
Read More: How To Fire A Bad Teacher: Head’s Secret HandbookIt is much harder than you think to get rid of a bad teacher at a small in-grown private school. Here’s what to do.
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Everyone Hates Senior Superlatives
Read More: Everyone Hates Senior SuperlativesPublic School Zero Superlatives include Most Likely To Never Be Mentioned in the Yearbook And Later to Become Rich and Famous. Perferendis, adipisicing sed repudiandae sit, habitant reiciendis tellus non enim necessitatibus penatibus. Repellat fringilla cras animi nostrud do laudantium urna diam torquent aliquam optio! Dolores auctor quis qui molestias magnam. Lacinia, metus libero, laborum…
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State of School Translator from Head’s Secret Handbook
Read More: State of School Translator from Head’s Secret HandbookSecret advice to Heads of School for decoding the overly optimistic State of School report and what you need to know about Therapy Goats
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Why Expensive Campus Vanity Buildings Get Built
Read More: Why Expensive Campus Vanity Buildings Get BuiltThe Head’s Secret Handbook outlines why you don’t want to build that expensive vanity building but you will anyway
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Coach Explains How To Keep “Girls” off the Debate Team
Read More: Coach Explains How To Keep “Girls” off the Debate TeamRichard E Rich Debate Team Coach Grunch gave some controversial off-the-record advice for boys to keep girls from “taking over debate”
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You Don’t Have To Shine Free Flipbook Picture Book
Read More: You Don’t Have To Shine Free Flipbook Picture BookThe Problem With Rich Kids Privileged children can be burdened with the demand that they excel and distinguish themselves in order to be loved and appreciated. Children from affluent families have surprisingly high rates of depression and anxiety. A recent article in School News Today, “Rich White Students Crushed by Needing to Prove They…
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How To Make A Ham Sandwich for 5 People With One Piece of Ham
Read More: How To Make A Ham Sandwich for 5 People With One Piece of HamWhat I Ate On My Spring Break Recipe for a WASP Ham Sandwich We aren’t supposed to talk about the pilot program at Richard E Rich Academy where students on financial aid are subsidized over spring break. (Read about it here). But I was a test subject and I’m not embarrassed to tell the story. …
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Exhibit of Headmasters’ Bowties at Museum of Insider Art Draws Criticism
Read More: Exhibit of Headmasters’ Bowties at Museum of Insider Art Draws CriticismRichard E Rich Academy’s Museum of Insider Art invites controversy over slavery, imperialism, rep ties, old flames, and Onlyfans accounts.
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Head’s Secret Handbook: 3 Types of Parent Whistelblowers
Read More: Head’s Secret Handbook: 3 Types of Parent WhistelblowersRichard E Rich Academy Head of School has secret tips for how to identify the three types of parents who are whistleblowers
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Non-Performative Allyship Services
Read More: Non-Performative Allyship ServicesRichard E Rich Academy students protest that DEI efforts are entirely performative and are given anti-racism allyship t-shirts in response.
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How To Ruin A Museum
Read More: How To Ruin A MuseumHire a careerist museum Director, raid your assets for private gain, burn bridges with the community and do things the same old way
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School Tours: Friday Office Poem
Read More: School Tours: Friday Office PoemAt night I like to scroll the earth/ Go over the buildings and grounds/ Of schools I knew and went to/ Parking lots are easiest to find
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The Three Things That Happen On Every Committee
Read More: The Three Things That Happen On Every CommitteeThe Head’s Handbook explains that committees are usually dominated by a bully who covers up an underlying crime, sometimes involving raccoons
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The Four Types of Financial Aid Resentment
Read More: The Four Types of Financial Aid ResentmentEveryone hates the financial aid process which is part of a rigged system enriching schools while stirring up resentment and bitterness.
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Rich White Students Crushed by Needing to Prove They Are “Special”
Read More: Rich White Students Crushed by Needing to Prove They Are “Special”Elite schools were a participation trophy for rich white male students. Preppies are tired of trying to pretend they deserve the privilege.
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Dark Academia Decor Trend Based on Actual Literary Themes
Read More: Dark Academia Decor Trend Based on Actual Literary ThemesThere is a disconnect between the upsetting literary themes of Dark Academic literature and the cozy warmth of Dark Academia Decor.
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Head’s Secret Handbook: How Not To Get Fired
Read More: Head’s Secret Handbook: How Not To Get FiredOne of the greatest dangers for a Head of School is busting the child of a member of the Board of Trustees for drugs. How not to get fired!
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Is Tuition Refund Insurance A Scam?
Read More: Is Tuition Refund Insurance A Scam?Jane Austen said, “If you can afford tuition insurance, you don’t need it. If you need tuition insurance, you can’t afford it.”
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Secret Campus Map of Richard E Rich Academy For Sale As Poster
Read More: Secret Campus Map of Richard E Rich Academy For Sale As PosterCampus map of Richard E Rich Academy includes the Stable for Very Lucky Horses, Museum of Insider Art, and Hall of Disgraced Donors
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Island Rental Includes Demented Relative
Read More: Island Rental Includes Demented RelativeWith alumni magazine house rental listings you can avoid humiliating public reviews of your soggy mattresses and anemic microwave
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3rd Grade Class Parent Survey
Read More: 3rd Grade Class Parent SurveyExclusive Non-Accessible Parent Meeting not sensitive to the mental health issues created for Renee by her parents
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Tattling and Justice In The Classroom
Read More: Tattling and Justice In The ClassroomTen-year-old explains to teachers meeting, “When we realize there is, like, no justice, then we start tattling.”
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It Is Better To Be Bottom Tier
Read More: It Is Better To Be Bottom TierAn urgent letter to the Richard E Rich Academy Community: Let’s keep Richard E Rich Academy a bottom tier prep school
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The Three Kinds of Parents At Graduation
Read More: The Three Kinds of Parents At GraduationYour parents might be making a big sacrifice to attend your graduation and be in tears, or your father maybe texting as you get your diploma
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Schools Scramble to Destroy Evidence of “Slave Auction” Fundraisers
Read More: Schools Scramble to Destroy Evidence of “Slave Auction” FundraisersRichard E Rich Academy has assigned a secret task force to remove all records of the annual Senior Slave Day
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I Like Lice
Read More: I Like LiceI like lice, the fun of rooting them out from a long silky strand of hair, and the cozy feeling of having my warm child on my lap
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Everyone Knows Ballet Is Creepy
Read More: Everyone Knows Ballet Is Creepy“Ballet is a public health hazard,” the Guidance Counselor told the moms over the Chai Lattes at the Parent Tea.
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AutoCorrect Poem: Friday Office Poetry
Read More: AutoCorrect Poem: Friday Office PoetryMy dear Otto/ Correct or disconnect/ Lotto of language/ I didn’t mean that/ The meat of it/ Or the meanness
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So You Want To Get Kicked Out of Prep School? 3 Easy Ways
Read More: So You Want To Get Kicked Out of Prep School? 3 Easy WaysDropout Consulting Services suggests 3 Easy Ways To Get Kicked Out of Prep school if you want to get back at your parents for sending you.
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Teacher Fired After Auto Reply Goes Viral
Read More: Teacher Fired After Auto Reply Goes ViralA graduate student teaching assistant was fired this week after her snarky auto reply went viral. Here is the full text of her takedown of Fred’s University.
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Museum of Insider Art: Other House Art Show
Read More: Museum of Insider Art: Other House Art ShowDespite controversy, the Richard E Rich Academy Museum of Insider Art is launching a show featuring paintings of the country houses of alums.
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Beach House Borrow
Read More: Beach House BorrowRichard E Rich Trustee argues vacation homes should be part of financial aid and offers up his own beach house.
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Get a Cover From Hide Your Ugly Library Inc
Read More: Get a Cover From Hide Your Ugly Library IncRichard E Rich Academy covers crumbling 1970’s library with nylon cover featuring a picture of the old Georgian library torn down years ago.
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School Romance: The Stages of Parent Engagment
Read More: School Romance: The Stages of Parent EngagmentAn Association of Imaginary Schools study shows the best time to monetize parent discontent for fundraising purposes.
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Job Opening for Parent Soother
Read More: Job Opening for Parent SootherRichard E Rich Academy is looking for a professional Parent Soother to make parents feel that their child will get special treatment
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Catty Clutter Controversy
Read More: Catty Clutter ControversyMs. Felinity was cited for clutter in her classroom by concerned PTA moms who noticed the class cat was missing. Drama developed.
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Friday Admin Poetry: False Alarm
Read More: Friday Admin Poetry: False AlarmDark wake or sleep/ Blinking LED/ Battery charged/ Beeping below the birds/ Nightingales sing at dawn/ Defending their territory
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Spotlight Review Fred Med Hospital: Breaches of Patient Privacy and Confidentiality
Read More: Spotlight Review Fred Med Hospital: Breaches of Patient Privacy and ConfidentialityAccidentally posted “Spotlight Review” highlights dirt, tears and patient danger at Fred Med Hospital.
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Museum of Insider Art
Read More: Museum of Insider ArtInsider art is at risk of becoming marginalized and devalued, Richard Rich Academy celebrates alum artist’s homage to her horse Bordeaux.
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Tea Party
Read More: Tea PartyAt a Public School Zero event on sex education resources for teachers, a “Tea and Consent” graphic was defaced in the men’s room.
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The Notorious D.O.G.
Read More: The Notorious D.O.G.School service dog scandal emerges when the Public School Zero Special Services Director has her own bulldog trained as the service dog.
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Classroom Dynamics
Read More: Classroom DynamicsClassroom dynamics shown to be much more complex for students of color, non-males and students who are not bougie.
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Admin Poetry for Office Work
Read More: Admin Poetry for Office WorkPoems about office work: “The spreadsheet opens/Empty cells/Summer term/Scent of fresh ink cartridge…”
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Bottom Feeders
Read More: Bottom Feeders“From The Bottom” Music Show for Young Performers in Parking Lot Competition
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Schools At Risk
Read More: Schools At RiskSchools are at risk for mistreating so-called “at-risk” students.
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Micro-Credentials
Read More: Micro-CredentialsPublic School Zero to offer Micro-Credentials for educators in bathroom politics, butt pinchers and office parties.
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Shining Light on Beach Movies
Read More: Shining Light on Beach MoviesSchool fundraiser committee substitutes sexist beach movies for Senior Slave Auction
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Luxury Hotel Group Eyes Richard E Rich Campus
Read More: Luxury Hotel Group Eyes Richard E Rich CampusWith its concierge model of education, the Richard E Rich campus is targeted for a buyout by a luxury hotel group.
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Virtual Anthropology
Read More: Virtual AnthropologyAnthropology Department converts to all virtual Armchair Anthropology
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Secret English Department Meeting Notes Found
Read More: Secret English Department Meeting Notes FoundSecret English Department Meeting Notes Found of the Ha Ha Ha Club recording sexist quips, witticisms and bon mots.
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Hands Off
Read More: Hands OffNew Hands Off Dress Code at Public School Zero requires respect for all cultural styles of dress.
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Graduation Budget Cuts
Read More: Graduation Budget CutsBudget cuts mean Public School Zero graduation speeches are limited to 5 minutes and one inspirational cliche.
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Put Your Heart Into It
Read More: Put Your Heart Into ItFred’s U asks less well-off alums to donate organs instead of stocks or bonds. Organs will be re-sold or given to Winner’s Circle Donors.
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Phantom Bureaucracy
Read More: Phantom BureaucracyNoting that Concordia University is offering online classes prepared by a professor who has subsequently died, Fred’s University is looking into the possibility of using dead administrators to execute some tasks. This experimental program will repurpose existing emails, tweets, and PowerPoint presentations from departed administrators. The program is expected to save time on repetitive…
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Political Apathy Apothecary
Read More: Political Apathy ApothecaryPatent Remedies are “medicines” that don’t work. Liberal Tears & Conservative Bile don’t replace reparations for racial injustice.
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ASMR For Teachers: End Of School
Read More: ASMR For Teachers: End Of SchoolAfter Ms. Ashley Shirley Moss-Ross made a ASMR paper tearing video for teachers she was reprimanded by the principal.
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Smoking Abroad
Read More: Smoking AbroadSenior Year Abroad Program offers expensive chance to smoke anywhere, drink openly, experience diverse forms of racism and sexual harassment.
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Phantom Toll Booth
Read More: Phantom Toll BoothThe toll booth near Richard Rich Academy was taken down today, ending a tradition of student harassment of toll workers.
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Secret Room Discovered
Read More: Secret Room DiscoveredStudent Discovers Prep School Has Hidden Hall of Disgraced Donors in viral TikTok video.
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Beauty Tips for Zoom
Read More: Beauty Tips for ZoomHow to Look Better on Zoom? Don’t let your entitlement show, keep an eye on your mansplaining, watch your racist assumptions, use your ears.
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Smaller Talk
Read More: Smaller TalkFred’s University’s new Department of Podcasting launches an app to cut annoying chitchat out of podcasts.
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Your Little Prince Laundry Service
Read More: Your Little Prince Laundry ServiceYour Little Prince Student Laundry Service serves up sexism and classism on campus.
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Period Poverty Protest Makes A Splash
Read More: Period Poverty Protest Makes A SplashStudents protest for free period products to fight period poverty in their school. Protesters removed toilet paper from the men’s bathroom.
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Quarantine Office Tasks You Can Do From Home
Read More: Quarantine Office Tasks You Can Do From HomeHushing up sexual harassment, taking the fall for a dementing dean, ignoring blatant racism, doctoring tax returns
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Consultants Eliminate Faculty
Read More: Consultants Eliminate FacultyConsultants suggest eliminating faculty as a cost-cutting measure for schools. Money saved on teaching can be used for more consultants.
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Drink The Kool-Aid
Read More: Drink The Kool-AidWhat you need to survive: The school soda fountain dispenses Ritalin, Xanax and Prozac
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Who Rules The School?
Read More: Who Rules The School?What are the real rules that show who rules the school?
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SAT Slums
Read More: SAT SlumsRich parents buy up slum addresses to game the SAT “Adversity Score” program designed to help poor students.
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Plagiarism Versus Plagiarism
Read More: Plagiarism Versus PlagiarismStudent argues he can’t be charged with plagiarism if his mom wrote the paper
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Concussion Club
Read More: Concussion ClubCaptain Crunch has called the first totally secret meeting of the Concussion Club.
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Parents Hiding From Children Behind Devices Through History
Read More: Parents Hiding From Children Behind Devices Through HistoryParents used to hide from their kids behind newspapers!
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How to Hover
Read More: How to HoverA serious look at the range of parenting techniques available in a parent’s ‘garage’ for tackling parenting.
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Racist Origin Tale
Read More: Racist Origin TaleMs. Frazzled showed off some of the origin stories the children had been working on in their composition books.
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Kid-Friendly Candy Flavor E-Cigarettes
Read More: Kid-Friendly Candy Flavor E-CigarettesNew E-cigarettes available in a variety of kid-friendly candy-flavored varieties. A satirical look at vaping for kids.
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Don’t Ask Me About College!
Read More: Don’t Ask Me About College!To raise money for the Senior Class Gift this year, seniors banded together to sell this “Don’t Ask Me About College” t-shirt. Please Don't Ask Me About College T-Shirt by PublicSchoolZero As springtime acceptances and rejections roll in, the pressure to discuss your hopes and dreams becomes unbearable. This t-shirt is perfect for wearing to…
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Republicans Galore
Read More: Republicans GaloreRichard E Rich has been increasingly infiltrated by liberal, left-wing
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Born on Third Base
Read More: Born on Third BaseQ: What is the definition of a preppie?A: Someone who was born on third base and thinks they have hit a triple?
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How To Control Your Children
Read More: How To Control Your ChildrenDr. Albert argues that the evidence of history suggests that three age-old methods are in fact more effective: guilt, criticism, and money.
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Student Device Use Analysis Report
Read More: Student Device Use Analysis ReportA consultant’s very expensive report concludes what everyone already knew: students use their screen time for flirting and porn.
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Hopes and Dreams: Squirrel It Away
Read More: Hopes and Dreams: Squirrel It AwayChildren aligned their Hopes and Dreams with their social class and enjoyed bonding with Solomon the Squirrel, their class mascot.
