Work has come to a standstill at the Association of Imaginary Schools’ Main Office as employees have become embroiled in an all-consuming internet game. The Email Game involves circulating a series of increasingly accusatory/credit-hogging emails in a complex pattern that involves layers of private copies via BCC, flares of outrage via REPLY ALL, and escalating circles of engagement via FORWARD. In this engrossing game, rivalries are played out among friends, enemies, product teams, Covid pods and the office security camera tech. Screenshots are fired, rants are Zoomed and no one is safe from the eternal surveillance of the remote Employee Monitoring Software.
In this game, proving that you have done the work, made the call, have the READ RECEIPTS, supersedes work itself. At the very highest level of difficulty, the best players use proxies for combat. In the final round, it is traditional to have one’s mother or significant other write the Tournament emails. Tournament-level emails are usually based on an archive of print-outs of deleted emails which are included via photo and are vetted by kibitzing roommates and deployed via scheduled-send from a VPN-obscured location in the family room. Although no billable hours or tangible products are generated by this game, it is, in comparison with those things, very, very real.
Note:
The Association of Imaginary Schools will be closing its Main Office until the end of November in order to celebrate its Fall Tournament. If you wish to contact the AIS during this time please send a registered letter, being sure to keep both a paper copy and a digital copy. Yes, we can see your screen right now and we are recording.
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